Witness Statements

These are not reviews. They’re warnings.

They’re praise. They’re… confusing. Just like us.

Voices From the Cult

“I wore the hoodie to Tesco and three flamingos followed me home. I don’t feel safe. I feel iconic.”

— ★★★★★


“I put the socks on. I remembered things I wasn’t supposed to. The drip is real.”

— ★★★★☆


“My mum asked what BLOODY FUMING was. I said it’s a fashion cult. She nodded. She gets it now.”

— ★★★★★


“Bought the trout hoodie. Haven’t been emotionally available since.”

— ★★★★★